The official stories of my family of origin are so ludicrous that, now that I think about them, more and more of them seem certain to me to be covering up lies.
Take the story of my conception. My mother told me once, in a whispering tone of voice, that nothing was wrong with her and that they'd been trying to have a child for 12 years because my father had a low sperm count. You can only find out you have a low count by being tested. My father recently told me they'd only been trying for 2 years and there were no real problems. It makes no sense. But his official story has changed.
My aunt told me the official story as it was told back then. My mother conceived a few months after my aunt, her stepsister, 13 years her junior, gave birth to her son. This was after 12 years of marriage. What a coincidence, right? Amazing! Only, not really. Because he felt the need to explain it, authoritatively, in such a sappy, insane fashion, that it has "FAKE" written all over it:
Allegedly, my mother held her newborn nephew and this finally got her hormones going, so she conceived!
Yes. That was the story. That's his official explanation. If you think it's ridiculous, you're not the only one.
My reconstruction of events: they've been trying for 11 years without success; they've been tested and he has low sperm count; perhaps they've already tried to use his sperm, but it's failed; he's refusing to use a donor's sperm, which makes her unhappy, but she's hopeful and won't press the issue; then, unexpectedly, her baby sister, 13 years younger, has a baby, and my mother is pushing 40; suddenly, she grows desperate and manages to persuade her husband to allow her to have a baby too; he agrees, but no one is ever to find out that he was the infertile one. She goes along with that. And much more.
The plot thickens. This must be weighing on you Pronoia. Now that you have been alerted to the possibility - that your NF may not be blood - you will probably find more clues pointing to that outcome. It must be difficult to deal with the unknown. I hope your questions are answered and you find closure.
ReplyDeletehmmm..can't you tell by looking at your features? do you and him not share any features? body wise and face wise?
ReplyDeleteMy older sister told me a while ago that my father was not my father and that my mother was sleeping with a few different guys right before I was born. She is seven years older than I am so I believed her when she finally decided to tell me. Its funny because I never felt like my father was my father anyway. I have felt that way since I was very young. So, I called my father to ask him if he was my father. He said that he would always love me like a daughter, and then he said that he was not. I kind of got that clue the moment he said, "I will always love..." etc.
ReplyDeleteI would have asked my mother but she had always told that she was raped and that is how I was born. It is frustrating not knowing the truth but some where in these lies I think they told the truth by accident. I think that my mother had an affair and it sounds better to say you were raped. That is the kind of person she is sadly. But your story is all messed like mine, so I feel like its O.K. to share this today. Maybe we don't have to feel so alone. I do wish that I knew who it was, but I guess its not in the cards I hold for my life. I hope that it is in your cards though. Best of luck with finding the real truth.
Lies are difficult to deal with when they finally come to light of truth. But lies that are layered with lies with partial truths about your origin, I can imagine the feeling of 'who am I' you are experiencing. I hope you can find information that will satisfy your need to know or you can find some feeling of closure.
ReplyDeleteHugs (((PA)))
Lisette, indeed. I will try to know for sure. It does mean something to me to find out. Thank you for the comment.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I look nothing like him, but I always assumed that was because I inherited my mother's features. I mean, it is genetically possible not to look like one parent at all, so I can't take it as proof. Thanks!
Karen, thank you. No, we don't have to feel so alone. There are ways to find out if he's my biological father or not, but not before September or October. Until then, I can only look for clues in my memory. If it was a donor, I'm not hoping I'll ever meet him.
hmm interesting interesting. i look a lot like my dad. in fact, i look nothing like my mom. i think no one would tell we were related. cept every once in a while, at a certain angle and just for a moment, you can sort of see the ghost of her. i'm dark, she's light. our builds are different. we do share one thing though, a proclivity towards drawing. i know this came from her.
ReplyDeletei think it's very hard to at least not share some aspect with a parent. if you can't even see the ghost of your dad somewhere on your mind and body...
hmmm.
oh ANOTHER thing to consider is other relatives on his side. i share a few characteristics with mom's side of the family. i got my thighs and weaker chin from her side, i share this with some of my aunts and cousins.
i guess not finding anything wouldn't be 100% proof negative..but it would play in with your heart's suspicions..
it sounds like maybe you already feel in your heart that he is not your real father..
wow..i'm starting to feel it too.
it makes sense, look at him!
r u gonna snatch some dna? do it, do it!
Thanks, Ruth!
ReplyDeleteLisa: No, nothing really, his whole side of the family looks quite different from me AND my kids. My aut's going to ask a distant relative from my mother's side of the family who MUST know, when she visits in September. If that doesn't yield conclusive info, then I'll take the "snatch some DNA" route. ;)
My current take on that? He claims to be my father; therefore he owes me some of his DNA, one way or the other...