Inches and yards

I'll never learn. A narc's criticism is based on projection. Period.

I believed my father when he said, and he did so often, that I was ungrateful and couldn't understand enough was enough. One of his favorite phrases directed at me was "Whenever I give you an inch you take a yard". It was for things like being too cheerful and bouncing and jocular after he joked with me a little. I never actually asked for much.

Here is a great post on how it is the narcissists who always take a yard. You give them some kindness, a bit of a compliment here, some loving behavior there, and they smell blood and instantly attack for more control over you. I've seen it with my father. I tried placating him, once I understood he was a narcissist, by being extra respectful and kind and offering him drinks when he dropped by and never talking about myself and asking about him and his childhood and listening to him. He stopped announcing himself. I signed a polite, kind message with "love". He gave me the silent treatment for forgetting to let him know we've arrived safely, something that wouldn't have happened earlier. The nicer you are, the weaker they think you are, and therefore they attack, thinking they'll get more control.

Because that's all they know and want. Control. They don't understand kindness and love as anything other than weakness.

Beware.