Last night I was back in school again. I hadn't passed geography, history, and math, and now all my subsequent education is invalidated.
This anxiety dream has been recurring for years. I recently realized it meant I was missing an important step in my emotional and social development, and this invalidated my whole seemingly normal adult life with my family of choice.
But it means something else too. I hadn't faced problems and issues I was supposed to deal with in the past. I just ran away from them. I left my father and married my husband, but I hadn't dealt with him in my mind. I just sort of tried to forget him and the fact that I ever had a family of origin.
Last night, one thing was different. Instead of panicking and becoming depressed because I was supposed to study for high school exams with kids and a job and a thesis, I started dealing with it. I realized I had new, adult tools at my disposal. I knew where to get information. I didn't have to rely on the teachers. I could employ a tutor to help me.
Growing up means I am now an independent adult who doesn't have to be afraid any more. I can handle it easily now because I've really grown strong.