Gifts

I persuaded myself this sort of stuff didn't matter at all, so I didn't pay attention to it. But now that my kids are growing, I'm beginning to notice what a horrible gift-giver my narcissistic father is.

He makes a big fuss about how he's going to bring something to my older daughter. Then he comes, ceremoniously, grandiosely, like a king bestowing some special favor on his lowly subjects, and brings... used, dirty toys that are falling apart and that we have to throw away. Or something cheap and plastic whose only function seems to be to make a lot of noise and annoy us. Once he wouldn't tell me where an obviously used, decades-old toy, muddy and falling apart, came from.

"Did you buy it?"

"No."

"Where did you get it?"

Silence.

"Was it an old toy of mine that you found in the attic?" 

"No."

"Where did you get it?"

Silence.

I only recently did a little rewinding and realized I was grateful for basically being turned into a dumpster by him. His girlfriend is into healthy eating and is constantly buying food-processing appliances. He once brought us, on a special occasion, a food processor that seemed convenient for making baby food. Except, when I tried it, it didn't work. Then, once, he asked me if I wanted a juicer to make juices for my baby when he visited for the first time when I was pregnant with my first. I said no, I'll be nursing and then offering water and whole fruits. What do you know? He brings a juicer. Who knows what was wrong with that? It doesn't matter. What matters is that it doesn't matter what matters to me.

And these were the best gifts we ever received from him which I felt I had to be grateful for.