My mother was quite possibly bipolar. I didn't think it had anything to do with anything until I read that upsi's brother is bipolar. Is it a possible effect of having been raised by a narcissist? Does it make you more susceptible to narcisssists? I've tried doing research and came up with nothing. Thoughts?
I remember my mother taking sedatives at times and, when I asked her about it, she said she was "manic-depressive", as it was called then, and had trouble sleeping in the manic phases.
When I was trying to understand my postpartum depression, I asked my father if my mother ever suffered from it, or from depression in general. He said no, she was so happy when I was born, and loved me very much. I then asked about her BPD and he said I must be mistaken. She had no such thing.
So, yeah, he's lying. I've no idea why. It makes no sense. I guess it's a precaution with him - better lie, just in case. Or a mental habit.
Was she raised by a narcissistic mother, as I'm beginning to seriously believe now? Did she have BPD and is it in any way connected? Did it make her more susceptible to a narcissist's charms? Was she severely depressed at times? I do recall times when she just vegetated in front of the TV, dejectedly; and other times when she was highly energized and cheerful. It could only have been Bipolar II, and a relatively mild form at that, judging from my research. Did my PPD have anything to do with this? Did she have PPD too that my father's hiding from me? Am I more genetically prone to depression because of this?
Does any of this have any connection with anything? Or not?
So many lies, so many things I'll never know. Any little thing I remember or uncover has to be treated as a potential mine for meaning.
I do not know if my NM is bipolar--however my brother is. About 8 years ago he lived in a state in the U.S. that helped with the cost of prescription drugs and he got medication and it was good for him. But now he is not on any. I also feel like he has N qualities. We used to commiserate but a year ago he crossed over the line to my N's side.
ReplyDeleteMy NM was certainly always moody. She blamed it on major PMS. Mine did not act depressed a lot--she was a real go-getter, entrepreneur, and very big on herself on the outside. I do believe that HER mother (my grandmother) was an N but not a mean one like my NM.
When I had my first child I was very much affected by the loss of hormones. I had the most incredible, empowered birth, and then had a colicky baby who always cried and never slept. This was 15 yrs ago and I see now that I was depressed. However, 5 months later when he slept more and smiled and stopped all the crying and I slept more, I felt so much better.
Interesting - another ACON with BPD who went over to the dark side. I wonder if there's a connection. BPD people sometimes get misdiagnosed as Ns in their manic phase.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the colicky baby problem. Interestingly enough, though, my second had colic for the first 6 months and is still sleeping very little at age 1, I was only depressed after baby #1, who was an angel baby.
NM's mother was bipolar and probably borderline. She was mascot and scapegoat in a large, close extended family. I remember her mainly as aggressively deferential and eager to please, but that was how she acted toward me and others when we were older than about age seven. She worked as a primary school teacher when that meant introducing children to factory-type discipline, and she was frighteningly authoritarian toward people under age seven.
ReplyDeleteI've wondered about a connection too. Maybe endocrine or food sensitivity problems as well as harm suffered from membership in a troubled family constellation?
- GKA
Interesting points, GKA. Thank you.
ReplyDelete