I only now made the connection.
My father is a narcissist. He looks down on sexually desirable women as potential mates and sources of supply. He's essentially a misogynist.
I've always felt uncomfortable with acting and looking feminine and desirable. I have no problem with my womanhood and sexuality, just appearing feminine and attractive.
I could hope to earn a modicum or a semblance of respectability and being taken seriously as a person and a human being only by being "one of the boys."
Now to unlearning it.