So I forwarded my father some birthday pics that I received from my ILs. Mostly, my aunt and I wanted to conduct an experiment to see how quickly they ended up with her and with what message. But, also, I didn't want to be a bitch. Unnecessarily.
His response to me was profusely sugary. He's been signing everything with double messages of love since I stopped signing mine with our usual family signature that included "love".
Sure enough, my aunt was sent the pictures immediately. His message to her stated that "My girlfriend asked Pronoia to send us the pictures so she did". Does this mean that Pronoia should have sent pictures without being asked? Or that if he'd asked, she wouldn't have sent pictures? My aunt probably gets the version of our relationship in which I'm a cold, ungrateful daughter, which is why it was phrased like this.
I wonder why I keep thinking what he's thinking and expecting him to be fair and think well of me if I'm being fair and nice to him. Expecting him to acknowledge I'm being nice to him despite his unkind actions. That's not how he operates.
I fee like upsi's latest post must be meant for me. I feel reproached from both sides and I don't know what I personally want. I want to enjoy life with my family and think about nothing else right now.
upsi's post is a good one. I call interactions with a narcissistic lose-lose. No matter what I do, I will lose and it is my fault. I like the quote, "I didn't say it was your fault, I said I am going to blame you." I think if you know in your own heart you have done the right thing that is the only one you are accountable to now that you are an adult. I think your kindness is obvious even if they don't.
ReplyDeleteI've been conditioned to always feel guilty and I always feel accountable to everyone and thus bound to feel like a guilty failure all the time.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, I'm a horrible daughter. On the other, I'm guilty for having any contact with a man I know to be a narcissist. I feel like everyone's blaming me. I don't know how one learns to be accountable to oneself alone.
oh yeah, i've been there. i remember in the very beginning i felt so stupid for staying at home, it was horrible. i felt like i was bothering everyone with my inane problems.
ReplyDeleteyou'll get there. it's a process.
and i totally understand your reasons for wanting to stay in touch with your dad, in that post you wrote a long time ago, i thought you were very brave for writing that. it is very brave. and true.
ReplyDelete