Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My e-mail to Dangerous Narcissist

"Dear Dangerous Narcissist,

I'm sending a short installment that conveniently rounds up the sum that you still need to pay me.

(Transparent calculations for everything follow.)

As I have already informed you, I was forced to slow down with the translation. Apart from your book, I had to accept other work. We are remodeling our apartment, so my children would have a room to sleep in, and for this I need money.

Because of this, and as you said that you wish your book translated quickly, our original agreement, according to which I receive my "pay" each month for the work done during that month, is the only one that truly works for me. In this way I can afford to decline other offers I get for translation work.

If this is is all right with you, then in a month's time, after receiving my "pay" of (owed sum), I am planning to send you the next big installment, which will already mean more than half of the book is finished. By the way, the book keeps getting more interesting and exciting, and I would really like to be able to dedicate myself to it exclusively.

Best regards,
Pronoia :)"

Not a single lie, even the flattery in the end, which I thought would be good for a narcissist. I said "interesting and exciting" and the book truly is that. And also disturbing, and dark, and frightening, and at times not too literate. But it sure is interesting and exciting! And more fun than all the other work I get (doctoral dissertations, research).

Just reassure me that this is not enough to have me attacked, maimed, or killed! And tell me what kind of reaction I can expect. 

One thing: I'm really interested in avoiding his voice over the phone, as he's a Voice Manipulating Narcissist, who rages and whines in the same sentence! He only has my cell phone number. So I'll send him an sms that I've sent an e-mail, and end it with "good night", as it's late in my time zone now. If he tries to call, I'll send an sms that I'm having battery problems and can only exchange sms messages (which is actually true at the moment, as the phone's about to die, and I'm not recharging it, just so I don't have to lie! It would be fun to be able to say COMPLETELY HONESTLY "I don't want to talk to you over the phone because you use your voice to manipulate me and I'm not interested in that", but that's really unwise, so I'll do the next best thing.)   


  1. Set an sms, ended it with "good night", which legitimized my switching off the phone! If he wants to communicate back immediately, he'll have to write an e-mail.

  2. "SeNt an sms". My keyboard has problems with Ns. How appropriate. ;)

  3. Great. Well done. Have you heard from him since?

  4. Nope! No communication whatsoever, which is very strange indeed.

    Lingering between pride that I've stood up for myself and proven in writing that I'm not spineless and irrational fears along the lines of "What if someone's already on the way to my apartment?"

  5. Great letter except maybe better to leave out mention of the kids?


  6. GKA, he already knows I have kids and he's always claiming he's doing it all for his kids in his novel. If not for that, I wouldn't have mentioned them.

  7. No reply all day. This has never happened before. He always replies to everything promptly. Oh well. I'll try not to think about it.

  8. What this means? Probably that he knows he has run out of time and excuses, as well as money. He knows the ball is in his court but he is broke.

  9. That sounds good, thanks! I guess if he was going to switch the rage/poor me/whining machine on, he would have reacted immediately.

    Starting to feel a little less anxious. And a little more free.

  10. I guess I was afraid to mention I get other offers so I wouldn't get him "jealous" and "offended" (Narc conditioning), and this enabled HIM to believe I really needed HIM and HIS MONEY, so, naturally, my only option was to WAIT.

    This is the first time I've mentioned that I actually do work for other clients as well. It possibly never crossed his narcissistic mind.


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