Monday, May 9, 2011

Making me sick

When I was 3 or 4, my father took me out to a park. There, he started spinning me on the merry go round - so hard, so fast and so long that I vomited afterwards. I don't know why he did it. I remember being scared and nauseous, but I didn't complain. What kept me silent was a mixture of fear and pride. I didn't want to whine.

It was not an innocent mistake, either. I've loved all sorts of rides all my life and never got scared or sick, so I know this was beyond excessive if it scared me and made me sick.

After I vomited, my father said to me: "Don't tell Mom about this".

This is the whole memory. What triggered it was seeing a scene in a movie where the merry go round was used in much the same way as a torture device - a bookie was using it to torture a guy who owed him money.

Why did he do it? Was I just a toy to him and he wanted to see what would happen if he spun me REALLY hard? Was he irritated about something? Was he drunk? I'll never know.

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