He's been trying to manipulate us both, his girlfriend and me, to make us believe we could never be close. She's been made to think I resent her trying to replace my mother and whatnot, and I've been led to believe that she finds my family of choice a drag and is too busy to ever come over. Actually, he tried to isolate us both and keep us from ever talking to each other.
Also, I've been led to believe that he's doing all these things for her and he apparently loves only her now - for instance, once, years ago, when I had a baby, I asked him to drive me somewhere as a favor, once, because I really needed it, once, and he said it wasn't convenient because it didn't fit in with his girlfriend's schedule. At the same time, she's aware he doesn't really love her - what kind of love disappears because she's lost her phone card, instantly? - but she tells me that "at least your father really loves you - he'd do anything for you" "So he might say to you", I replied.
Discovering how low my father is capable of sinking if given half the chance has liberated me from the last shreds of consideration I had for him. He's a ruthless, unscrupulous, dark individual that needs to be put in his place, and not coddled.
Who knows when I'll be able to overcome the injunction to stand up for myself. I feel it in my bones that standing up for myself is evil, immoral, selfish, wrong. Knowing rationally that this isn't true doesn't help much.
But knowing what he's doing to her is, in a tragic, horrid way, empowering to me. I know this sounds sick. It is. But, see, I'm more than ready and willing to stand up for her. I feel an angry, but calm strength. I know I'm stronger than him, but am not always willing to use it. I would for her, if she wants me to. I'd gladly publicly validate all her perceptions and experiences and back them up with mine.
If I'm able to somehow contact her without the risk of having him find out (I'm sure he reads all her correspondence), and I'll try to arrange that, I'll tell her that she can always count on my support. That I'll be on her side, because I understand. I've been there.