That's what my father-in-law said. I shared my diagnosis of my narcissistic father with my in-laws, and they were mostly supportive and responsive.
My FIL believed me, but then mentioned how my father worries about us so much, so he must care. My father actually called my in-laws several times to find out where we were because we hadn't informed him we were going away for a weekend or something of that sort!
I was taken aback for a second. It's hard to prove to others that this is just about control. Because other people who really care about their kids might actually pull a stunt like that. Or call, or wish to be called, or something.
And then I remembered. I have proof positive that he doesn't worry. That he doesn't care. That he'd just been using it as a means of control for as long as I could remember.
When my first child was a baby, the two of us spent a few days in his apartment in the city. He was away from the country with his girlfriend. My aunt came over and made coffee, then left, without switching off the kitchen aspirator. The same aspirator that he's always bugged me about. That he's always insisted HAD to be switched on even if I was only making tea. It was on for 10 minutes, and the old electric installations in the kitchen caught fire. I noticed a light coming from the cabinets, called the fire department, and got out at once. The firemen were there within a minute. When I went up again, the hallway was black. Scorched. A minute later, and we wouldn't have got out, my 4 month old baby and me.
So I spent the night at my aunt's and in the morning sms'd him to call me at my aunt's because I needed to tell him something. I wanted to tell him slowly and cautiously, because I thought he was such a worrier about me and, by extension, his granddaughter. I hadn't known about his NPD back then.
So he called and I slowly told the whole story. He asked why he had to call. He said I needn't have worried.
HE WASN'T ANGRY ABOUT THE DAMAGE. It was my aunt's fault, not mine. He didn't blame me, so no problem.
So I said "I thought you'd be worried, that's why I wanted to tell you over the phone" and he sort of CHUCKLED. And that was it.