This was something my father said quite frequently.
I only recently realized that I don't remember he ever actually said "I love you" to me. It was just so strongly implied that no one would dare question it. And the most frequent way it was implied was when I asked permission to do something, he refused it, I asked "Why?" and he replied:
"Because I hate you."
He said it in a sarcastic tone of voice, and it was meant to be interpreted as "What you want is bad for you and I love you, and that's why I won't let you do it." I think. That's how I interpreted it, anyway.
Now? Now it seems to me that even a pathological liar of his abilities could not bring himself to lie on this one. He told the truth for once.
your father makes me groan. he is a bad bad man.
ReplyDeleteWow, Lisa. I never dare think anything similar to what you so freely express. ;)
ReplyDeleteI still feel like I have yet to prove something to myself ad the whole world and then be validated and even then possibly believe that it was my fault, because I was unlovable.
PA, not your fault. The one thing my counselor helped me understand that my only "sin" for the treatment my mother dished out was being born a girl. I suspect that the label unlovable was a projection from him to you. He feels unlovable, he doesn't like it, so passed it to you. Twists and turns that barely make sense some days.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Ruth
You had things so much worse than I did but this much is so familiar. It calls up my mother's most sarcastic voice saying, "You poor suffering child."
ReplyDelete- GKA
PA, you got the short stick in the "Dad" department but I think it's feasible that what Ruth has said is true. Don't internalize these messages, they are about him and not you.
ReplyDelete