Tuesday, October 16, 2012

(Still) Tangled

Disney's Tangled reaaally hit a nerve. I cried throughout the first time I watched it. It doesn't really matter which personality disorder mother Gothel can be diagnosed with (although, of course, I believe it's NPD), the important thing is that she symbolizes the parent who is not "real" because she is unable to love her child unconditionally.

She keeps Rapunzel trapped solely because her magical hair provides her with an ever-fresh source of youth and energy and narcissistic supply. Rapunzel has learned well that she is only needed and loved for her hair and the services it provides.

Which is why Eugene cutting her hair off is such a cathartic moment. He refuses to use her magical hair to save his life and cuts it off, setting her free.

Although "love will save you" and waiting for a prince on a white horse to rescue you are dangerous concepts because a person or a relationship will not do your hard work for you, I do believe we ACoNs need someone - a spouse, a friend, a relative, a therapist - to show us that unconditional love and acceptance exist and what kind of work we need to do. Someone who won't leave us when we say "no."

Someone who'll cut our magical hair off.

My husband is here to do that for me. I just don't seem to completely be able to let him. I still hold on to it. I don't want to upset him. I want to do stuff for him. I want to be useful to him. We're both aware of this problem in our relationship and his current method of fighting it is gentle humor.

Here's to cutting our magical hair off!


  1. I'll have to check this out! I always loved the Rapunzel story as a kid. My favorite rendition is still the Faery Tale Theatre one.

    And I think Alice Miller would agree and say we all need an Enlightened Witness (or many!), one who takes seriously our suffering and stands by our side.

    Sometimes I don't let DH be there for me, either. Like part of me still feels like I don't deserve it?


    1. I know. It's like the hardest part for me is to realize I'm LOVABLE and ACCEPTABLE. I can accept I'm (sometimes) right, or (relatively) smart, or (somewhat) useful, but not lovable. Not really.

  2. I thought that movie was fantastic. Mother Gothel even looked like NMIL. I wrote a post about the song she sings to Rapunzel in the beginning - it about sums up the NM pretty well.

    But anyway, cheers to enlightened witnesses, to ACoNs who continue to fight, and to you PA!

    1. Cheers to all that and to you to!

      Could you give me the link to that post?


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