Tuesday, April 24, 2012

As if I'd killed your father

Whenever my narcissistic father said or did something that shocked and angered me when I was growing up, and, of course, not being allowed to actually say anything, I just looked at him in dismay, he'd say:

"Why are you looking at me as if I'd killed your father?"

What a bizarre thing to say, right? I knew what this was supposed to mean: "I, your father, am the most valuable thing in your life, and killing me would be the most heinous thing anyone could ever do to you, so whatever I might have done to you is tiny in comparison and you'd better remember how precious I am to you right now."

But it has an eery double meaning. In a way, he did "kill" my father when he made sure I'll never know who my real father is. I wonder if he realized that when he said it.


  1. Wow. That is super weird. If I were you, is probably be hoping this guy wasn't your real father -- not that I'd wish a "true" father dead, but at least then you wouldn't have to claim kinship with a narcissist.

  2. Very odd and very typical that you weren't even allowed a non verbal reaction to your Father's rants.

    I'm Nyssa, but have changed my name on here to Pitstop, which is my DS name, if you want to you can go on DS (Daily Strength) and read my blog. I'm blogging on there because it's nice and easy to do and I'm not that computer savvy. If you want to join and friend request me, please do! All of my stuff is on there. Been wondering if I should move it to my own blog, but can't really do work out how to do it! xxxxx

  3. Nyssa/Pitstop,

    I'd love to, but I can't find it! The only Daily Strength blog I've found is a medical infertility one, and I'm somehow thinking that's not it. Could you leave a link?

  4. Yes, eery indeed, knowing the whole story as we do. It's like he was secretly flaunting it and getting a kick out of the deception.

    This is not as sinister, but your story reminded me of something I recently learned while talking to a dear family member (who has been supportive and really knows what's up).
    He told me that one time, in regards to my going NC from her, my NSib said to him,
    "Man, it's not like I slept with her husband or killed her dog."

    (Oh, narcissists. Ya gotta leave 'em.)

  5. Your dad is coocoo for cocopuffs


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