Wednesday, May 2, 2012

It's not fair

Part of the reason why I'm so obsessed with discovering the whole truth about the circumstances of my conception and my biological paternity is that I feel the current situation gives my narcissistic social father an insane kind of power over me.

He is probably the only person alive who knows how I was conceived and - quite possibly - who my biological father is.

He knows something very important about me that I'm not allowed to know. I'm sure it's great fun for him to be able to treat me like a child in that way.

I have tried to give him a chance to tell me. I have asked him direct questions about their attempts at having a child and the circumstances of my conception.

His answers get more and more implausible and fantastical. Sometimes it seems like he's taunting me and flaunting it. The story changed from them trying for 12 years to only maybe not contracepting for a year or two, with variations in the meantime. The last time we spoke about it, he told a fairy tale of my conception that involved a romantic island in the middle of the Adriatic sea! When I asked him where my daughter got the red streaks in her hair, as none of his or my mother's ancestors had this, he flat out said, staring me in the eyes: "It must come from your husband's side of the family." I said no, I know even more generations of my husband's family, and reddish blondish hair has not appeared there. He repeated: "It must come from your husband's side of the family."

If my conjecture is true, I'll have connected the dots and found out all on my own. That would make so many things right on so many levels.


  1. I think an important part of knowing who we are is knowing where we came from, both figuratively and literally. It's definitely cruel and unfair that your social father is keeping this information from you. It sounds to me as if he's lording it over you that HE knows and YOU don't. Like a child taunting "I know something you don't know!" It'd serve him right if you found out on your own without him.

    I hope you're able to find out the truth soon, but even if you don't at the very least you know you don't share DNA with that damned narcissist!

  2. I know this suggestion is just pissing in the wind, but I would tell him I am finding out the truth one way or another. He can tell you or he can wait until you find out. Somebody besides him knows.
    That's incredibly cruel to hold out something that means so much to you.
    I know who signed my birth certificate. But the odds are about one in five that he is my biological father.

  3. I'm seconding AA's take on how he's using this info to manipulate you. He's dropped enough "Hints" to knock over a very, large Polar Bear/sink a whale. Your pointed questions have now confirmed to HIM you're now on the "scent."
    It's IMO like this: He WANTED you to KNOW he had this information: Mission Accomplished.
    He wanted to confirm the desired effect-very, very peeked interest: Mission Accomplished.
    Now, he's working the whole Power and Control thing: Allow her to sway slowly in the breeze at the end of the noose that I just periodically tighten-at MY "pleasure."

    If there is one absolute, undeniable, bet-my-very-life-on-it NP TRUTH, It's This:
    Don't EVER, ever, uh uh, no-'effin' way, not in this lifetime, never, no-how, no-way ASK an NP for something vitally-or even minimally-important to YOU. YOU WILL NEVER GET IT.

  4. Your dad is a psychopath. He doesn't have any power over you. He can't tell you what to do or make you do this or that. He is a POS that no one should trust or care about. His opinion and his words mean nothing. If you really want to know more about your conception, you can always find out more yourself. It doesn't matter who your biodad is or if your dad's your biodad or not, your dad is a psychopath, a bad person, completely nuts, and deliberately evil, always was and always will be. Every word he says is bullshit. It's your life, you can do whatever you want with it.


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