I put my armor on when I was still a baby or a toddler and never again took it off at home.
Maybe I first put it on when I was left to cry it out as a baby or when I was spanked for crying after they woke me up from naps as a one-year-old. Maybe when I was spanked for expressing my desires or feelings, so I'd know I couldn't always get what I wanted. Or when I was thrown all alone into a closed room to cry until I passed out when I dared to cry as a toddler.
These may have been things that I felt. Things that made me cry and hurt my feelings back when my parents were still able to make me cry and hurt my feelings.
But I don't remember these events. I only learned about them from things my father said.
And after that, all my memories of my parents are emotional blanks, save for some anger, frustration, and fear.
They made me angry, but they never made me cry, not that I remember. I'm a warrior, not a wimp.
Where can I start? What can I go back to? Where can I dig, when feelings are so far into the past, before I even started remembering?