Daddy dearest is coming back to town. My 6-month break from him is over. I hadn't heard from him in three weeks, most probably because I hadn't complied with his request that I send him ALL the pictures I have of our summer, but he ended the silent treatment to notify me of his return, complain of "no news from me :(" (read: no photos) and... request more photos.
I sent him a few pics of my husband remodeling our apartment (tiles, painting, floors - he did everything himself and I'm very proud of him.)
I find I'm not like the rest of you. I don't dream that my father will be somehow transformed and then we could have a real relationship. I have no desire for a real relationship with him. I don't remember a time after my earliest childhood when I did.
It appears any feelings I could have had for him except fear (and occasionally anger) have been numb for a long time. Years. Decades, even.
He never fostered those feelings, like many NMs do, for instance, inspiring the illusion of a relationship in their children - he only fostered fear.
My only wish in dealing with him is for a time to come when I feel I am stronger, healthier, and not afraid. To feel truly free of him in my head.
I feel him as a sort of opponent, adversary, foil - but one I will always treat civilly and diplomatically, never making a faux pas that might justify any move against us.