He never conditioned me to feel sorry for him, to feel close to him, to feel anything for him that might be tender. No, he was always strong, tough, needing nothing from anyone. He never even pretended to show me any tenderness or love. He faked it and talked about it to others, but he didn't show me any affection, even fake stuff, not really.
He only conditioned me to fear his wrath.
His narcissistic mother, on the other hand, pretended to love him and his sister to death and conditioned them to cater to her emotionally and to feel guilty about her emotions.
And through much of my childhood and adulthood he tried to manipulate me using her tactics. Which failed. Because, not being properly conditioned, I took him at his word.
For instance, things like "Well, if I embarrass you, although your friends like me, I won't be at your party" were met with my "Great, thanks" instead of "Oh, no, of course you don't embarrass me, please don't be hurt!"
Yay, I love your response! --quartz
ReplyDeleteThat is a great way to respond to emotional manipulation. Stick to the facts.
ReplyDeleteThis was my response BEFORE I knew there was emotional manipulation involved. I just thought I had a great dad who loved me and gave me freedom. Now that I get what's behind, it feels more sinister and dangerous.
ReplyDeleteGreat points, this is exactly how I will go back to handling this stuff. This method served me well. although I wasn't aware of anything. Thanks!