A Short Dictionary of Narcissese

I seem to be among the rare people who truly believe that, provided that your narcissist isn't abusive and you're secure in your independence from them, it is possible to remain in touch.

Sure, a real relationship with a narcissist is impossible. And you shouldn't expect one once you know a narcissist's limitations. You can, say, have a wonderful emotional connection with your dog, and not expect to have a meaningful conversation with it. Those are a dog's limitations. With a narcissist, you can't expect either. A narcissist is more like a kitchen appliance. You can't connect with it in any way, but it will work properly if you know which buttons (not) to push.

The most important thing to realize is that narcissists don't inhabit the same world the rest of us do and they don't speak the same language. It sounds similar, which is why we get so confused and hurt and outraged at times. But it's a separate language you must learn if you come into regular contact with a narcissist.

Here are translations of a few commonly used phrases:



"I love you"     =     The narcissistic supply I'm getting from you or through you is satisfactory at the moment. Stay on your toes, because this is subject to change.

Silence     =     You currently don't deserve my love, the most valuable asset in the Universe and the source of all life. You must understand what you did to offend me and then grovel, so I'll deign to love you again. (For "love", see above)

"Why didn't you call / reply to my email (which is just forwarded spam) / reply to my sms (which is a laundry list of my chores and contains no questions) / tell me you're going away for the weekend?"     =     I'm offended that you don't seem to appreciate being my mirror / extension / property as much as you should. 

"But I worry about you"     =     My favorite word. It serves three purposes: it makes YOU feel guilty and responsible for MY emotions; it is "evidence" that I "love" you and you belong to me, even if you think you're independent now; it controls you.

"You may be an adult, but I'll always see you as my child"     =     I'm only interested in a relationship where you are my subordinate / property / extension.

"I just wanted to help"     =     Why won't you submit to my control?

"I'm hurt"     =     I'm offended.

"I'm sensitive"     =     I'm easily offended.

"I'm emotional. An artistic soul. Unlike some callous people."     =     I have a great capacity for being offended.



Feel free to add your own entries.   :)