My father fell down and broke a rib a couple of days ago. He's OK, was told to rest and take pain medication and all would be fine. He calls once a day and says briefly he's in pain because he's not taking the medication and he doesn't go out and his GF does all the shopping. I say stuff like "How are you? Hope you get well soon. Take that pain medication!"
I'm sure I should be feeling and doing something else. My MIL told me today we should go visit him and bring him something. She's right. That's the decent thing to do. It had just never even occurred to me.
There's something horrifying about that.
If it was someone else, it would have occurred to me.
I don't know if he wants us there. Even in health, we've only visited them at their place two or three times in the 6+ years we've been married and they've been living there together.
And he's the "strong, silent type" narcissist who needs no one and takes help from no one. If I offer to visit and bring him anything, he'll probably decline.
But, on the other hand, his insistence on not taking medication and being in pain and repeating he's not going out might be a message that he'd at least like to be offered help - an echo of his own narcissistic mother's constant manipulations in which she used her illnesses to enslave her children.
My father, to his credit, has always done the exact opposite - the stoic "I can handle it and don't need you or anyone, you just go on with your life" - which always made me feel like a cold-hearted bitch, but I actually had little option except to take him at his word.
So, we decided to at least offer to go see him tomorrow. I'm disturbed that it hadn't even occurred to me. It should have. He's a human being of my acquaintance, after all. I'm disturbed that I'm apparently that kind of person.
I can't really bring myself to be disturbed about being a bad daughter. That part of the equation sounds kind of weird.