Again, amid clear signals for "you're in the land of the subconscious" (I descend a filthy stairscase stained with blood and excrement, and a gignatic half-serpent, half-lizard scurries across it), I enter a hospital and my mother is there. We're both sick and dying and I realize she's actually alive and we both stay alive and get better.
"Why haven't I seen you all these years? Where have you been?" I suddenly remember to ask her. It's been almost ten years since I thought she died.
"I don't know. Your father must have lied to you about me dying so he could get together with his girlfriend without you objecting."
And then, the other wierd mom dream alternative comes up - yes, she's dead. But I realize she didn't die of breast cancer. My father killed her. He wanted to be free of her and he killed her so he could be with his girlfriend.
I guess this is only normal. I'm pretty sure that's why Hamlet was seeing the Ghost - his mother remarried so soon after his father's death. The idea of foul play just somehow symbolically creeps up.
It's haunting. It's not just the first few minutes after I woke up that I was trying to remember what actually took place and what the true reality of the matter is. It still haunts me, days afterwards.
Wow! Pronoia, you have some real vivid dreams. They are chocked-full of symbolism and I dare say fascinating! I can see how the whole Hamlet theme ties-in to your experience. I remember another dream you wrote about that was truly haunting. I would love to read an "anything genre" novel written by you about your life with N strange conceptions father. You make it all so interesting.
ReplyDeleteKeep-on dreaming!
Sorting out what is real, what is symbolic, what is felt, what actually happened can be complex and frustrating. I hope that you find peace in some of your dreams.
ReplyDeletePronoia, I too hope that you find peace in some of your dreams. I understand how disturbing and haunting they can be. I didn't ever want to suggest that I hope you keep having these nightmares, just that you seem to possess a skill in making sense of them.
ReplyDeleteI apologize if my comment was insensitive.
Thanks, guys.
ReplyDeleteLisette, not at all - I appreciated your comment and we seem to be on the same wavelength so often - seeking for truth and meaning in fiction, memories and dreams is fascinating and exhilirating and this seems to have little to do with whether it is personally pleasant.