tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post470164832085829357..comments2023-05-24T16:57:15.030+02:00Comments on Writing the Wrongs of Narcissistic Parenting: Defending myself from lovePronoia Agapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-62886208076602422612012-12-22T20:58:03.256+01:002012-12-22T20:58:03.256+01:00Those "friends" sound just like your NM ...Those "friends" sound just like your NM and NSis. It's so unfair. I hope you have enough good ones too.<br /><br />I actually have some decent people around, but I don't often call them. I rarely see them. Yes, we're all busy, but it's not just that.Pronoia Agapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-2350635504128300172012-12-22T20:55:26.861+01:002012-12-22T20:55:26.861+01:00I hope you can find peace with this stuff. It'...I hope you can find peace with this stuff. It's all so messed up - we were legal adults with relationships before we even realized there was anything "different" about us. We should have been screened in school and helped, yk?Pronoia Agapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-42081405586527581042012-12-22T20:50:49.394+01:002012-12-22T20:50:49.394+01:00This was several years ago. I just recently learne...This was several years ago. I just recently learned about the stupid technicality that did it. The friendship had apparently been strained before that, too. I'm not sure what can be done with this particular relationship. Right now, I'm not sure I have what it takes to go there, but maybe later, when I'm stronger and more human. Thank you.Pronoia Agapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-78945458764358619042012-12-22T20:47:05.381+01:002012-12-22T20:47:05.381+01:00Thank you. I believe you.Thank you. I believe you.Pronoia Agapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-40636453201024808692012-12-20T23:03:32.532+01:002012-12-20T23:03:32.532+01:00PA, I'm sorry that this happened. The ramific...PA, I'm sorry that this happened. The ramifications of the narcs are far reaching.<br /><br />I, like you, always struggle to "let people in". I'm always on guard for being disguarded or abandoned. I often see it as inevitable and it keeps me from being open (not sneaky, or lying, just closed off). It's easier for me to just be the listener instead of a sharer. And now, as I'm struggling to change, I've found most of my "friends" are not interested in listening to me. Or helping me. Or supporting me. They are only interested in the friend who listens to them. I'm trying desperately not to just write them all off as assholes so I can quit feeling hurt. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-46680411760019385382012-12-20T22:38:52.004+01:002012-12-20T22:38:52.004+01:00I'm finding, as I research my past, that I owe...I'm finding, as I research my past, that I owe several people from my past apologies. A social misstep made from ignorance hurts the offended party just as much as if we meant it. And anyway, they don't understand that WE DIDN'T KNOW.<br /><br />I have tried to find a couple of people, but no luck. Then I chicken out anyway. How do you explain to people outside of the ones who grew up in it, that we grew up stunted?Gladyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379796403577898107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-71728425390916374262012-12-20T18:21:45.523+01:002012-12-20T18:21:45.523+01:00Hugs, I so understand not having the social graces...Hugs, I so understand not having the social graces that seem to bless others lives. Then my counselor reminded me that he would be out of a job if everyone else got it. We all make mistakes just like this one in a variety of flavors. Is it too many years down the road to repair? Or is this something more recent and not so wide that it can't be bridged? I am learning that a sincere apology goes a long way to mending fences. Sometimes it is possible and worth it to fix relationships. Other times it isn't worth fixing. I am figuring things out as I go along as you are. Some experiences are painful and frustrating and sometimes it is the stupid stuff that trip me up. You are more aware and yea having messed up parents cause a delay in social growth but the choice is now yours to do something different. Cheering for you. RuthRuthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-31354262421110830562012-12-20T16:55:58.502+01:002012-12-20T16:55:58.502+01:00Sometimes the love and trust we felt for our NPs i...Sometimes the love and trust we felt for our NPs is simply eroded drop by drop of invalidation, intentionally inflicted pain, recurrent Public "Dog and Pony" Shows etc. at their onus. They destroy the natural bonds children feel for their parents in the process of destroying "us." It's made VERY plain we're not "acceptable" just the way we are-and we never will be. Ouch-the awareness and acceptance of the hopelessness of the situation is part of the Awakening, IMO.<br />Little One, Life gives us a lot of Experience as we age and that's ALL it confers: Not "Wisdom," not "Answers to The Questions of the Universe" or any of that stuff. These experiences inform our thinking so the NEXT (few hundred) times we find ourselves confronted by a similar situation, feeling those same ol' feelings we'll PAY ATTENTION to what's up with us. Unlike the NPs who live in a very binary and rigid world where everyone/everything is "Good" or "Bad," Right" or "Wrong," most of life is lived in the huge grey areas in between polarities. That doesn't mean we don't have "absolutes"-of course we do. They're reflected in our morals, ethics, values, our own personal Boundaries/"No Fly Zones."<br />A miscommunication becomes the basis for the termination of a valued friendship. But you learned something(s) very important as reflected in your observation, the paragraph starting with, "If she hadn't been so vulnerable.." about yourself, the world and what it means to be human and live in this world.<br />Lessons like this are invaluable, IMO as we "Thaw Out." You're NOT the same person now you were then. You've grown so much...I think we-OK-I focus so intently on "What's Wrong" I sometimes forget to reflect on "What's Right" or "What's Improved" and what I've learned, how I've implemented those Life Lessons in my daily life. I see you doing this as well. As a commenter(s)? said in your previous post (para) we don't get to pick and choose our feelings as we process our experiences and the Legacy of NPs and NFOO-lishness. It's more like, "D: All of the Above."<br />IMO, you're in a major period of personal growth and that's never easy or comfortable. But I PROMISE it's gonna get different; it already is (and has) even if you can't see it right now.<br />TW Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com