tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post4142866360297051005..comments2023-05-24T16:57:15.030+02:00Comments on Writing the Wrongs of Narcissistic Parenting: more about my mother and myselfPronoia Agapehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-8213037199922581942012-03-21T02:14:28.151+01:002012-03-21T02:14:28.151+01:00Wow. Maybe your mom could only understand dangers ...Wow. Maybe your mom could only understand dangers to you if they came from outside the family?<br /><br />Or maybe it's that she would defend the family system but not you individually, so that it wasn't a problem for you as an individual to be depressed so long as you were securely contained inside the family, but you being lured out of the family by a boyfriend would be a problem for the family?<br /><br />The shadow thing reminds me of C.S. Lewis' *The Great Divorce* -- the image of people in sin, which he views in part as lack of self-understanding, as shadows who are not substantial enough to bend the grass or break the surface of the water when they visit the countryside of Heaven on a bus trip, but who can become substantial, and incidentally turn their worst qualities into their best, by realizing their whole selves in what he calls salvation.<br /><br />For what it's worth, I think C.S. Lewis served his time in dysfunctional relationships with older women.<br /><br />- GKAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-31836248148922270772012-03-21T00:16:08.106+01:002012-03-21T00:16:08.106+01:00I am impressed that you caught that your mother...I am impressed that you caught that your mother's words were a sad commentary on her own life. She didn't want to protect you from depression since she was probably depressed herself. But like a crab she wanted to pull you down and keep you where she was. I love your picture of yourself the Phoenix rising up and OUT of the ashes. You are recognizing where you are going. You want to be out of the shadows because you know the difference. I agree with Kiki. You are not a prisoner. Love is so freeing.Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-6318463319823227102012-03-20T14:44:22.446+01:002012-03-20T14:44:22.446+01:00Wow, Kiki, what an insight! I still couldn't h...Wow, Kiki, what an insight! I still couldn't have read it that way, after a year of knowing rationally "it isn't my fault". Thank you for that! You made me all warm and mushy inside :)<br /><br />Hugs!Pronoia Agapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07818746040570182407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8855431321052371348.post-68938487297628255952012-03-20T14:35:56.089+01:002012-03-20T14:35:56.089+01:00From a writer's point of view, I'll say th...From a writer's point of view, I'll say that it's a brilliant bit of writing there, PA. Just a fantastic set of verses.<br /><br />And, yes, so many solidly good love poems and songs can be interpreted as love towards a lover or towards God. (The Song of Songs does that, too, so it's tradition...)<br /><br />Isn't it astounding what our own writing shows us? At 18, I also wrote deeply depressed poems, but mine fixated on finding a perfect lover, someone who would give me unconditional love and make me feel good, physically, emotionally. <br /><br />Your mother's concern is so misplaced, though. I'm sorry, PA, for that sad memory.<br /><br />One thing, though ... I read the last part like someone was left to the night, an abandoned person, someone who is hurt and fading ... *not* as someone who is causing the darkness all around her. In your poem, it doesn't read that Pronoia created the darkness or that she is devouring everything around her... <br /><br />You didn't cause yourself to be abused. You didn't cause the darkness around you. You didn't make people treat you that way, Pronoia. <br /><br />Remember what you wrote in your explanation of your name, sweetie. It's Providence, too ... You've found yourself a way out of the darkness, and let those who would devour the love and light to stay in the shadows. You aren't a prisoner there anymore.<br /><br />(hugs)Kikihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07682023318174229038noreply@blogger.com